Motherhood is weird.

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Sometimes I question whether my brain is cut out for motherhood. Especially whether it is cut out for being a mother to three.

This morning was rough. Since cutting out the coffee I have been feeling awesome when I wake up. But even cutting out coffee can’t change the fact that we are in a hard season of raising little ones.

Dane is cutting teeth, and he hates the heat.

Ayla has been having a meltdown every minute on the minute.

And Bennett loves to make her mad, and make her scream. Ugh.

It’s been a hard season. But I have finally wised up and at least figured out that when times are like they were this morning we just need a change of scenery. So I loaded up all three children into the Tahoe, my daughter with fuzzy bedhead and no shoes, mind you… and off we went.

Looking around the playground can often be a breeding ground for comparison and self-doubt. Other mothers have bags full of snacks (and even though my children just ate and had a snack in the car on the way there, I judge myself for this). Their kids have shoes. Ha! Okay, I’m typically all over that one…

Then there is the mom that is playing full-on with the kids, getting all the kids to join in for a game of hide-n-seek. And there I sit, with my sweet fussy 5-month-old in my lap, and still I judge myself.

Seriously, why couldn’t I just bask in gratitude that I had a moment to myself?

Instead, my mind plays over and over “why can’t I be more fun?” This isn’t exactly what I pictured myself being like as a mom when I had baby stars in my eyes. I pictured myself being calm, fun to the max, and overflowing with patience.

Where is that woman?

Let me tell you where she is…

She’s covered in spit up. She’s exhausted as hell because all night long her baby won’t sleep unless her boob is in his mouth, and is often woken up to searing pain from him biting her. Her nerves are frayed from listening to screaming *piercing* screaming all. day. long. She’s riddled with hormones. She’s hungry constantly from feeding a giganto baby. Her body hurts from lugging around said sweet baby because he cannot for one second be away from his beloved mama. Her body hurts from being contorted into weird sleeping positions when all three kids find their way into the bed in the middle of the night. Did I mention hormones? Her hair is falling out. She’s in it, every second of every day from the moment she wakes up until the moment she goes to sleep. Just kidding, she’s on when she’s sleeping too.

Do not get me wrong. I love this sweet life. But I would be a big ole’ liar if I didn’t admit that I could use a vacation. Have you ever thought for even a moment that you wished you could run away? Yeah, me too. And lately, that’s been heavy on my heart.

But here is why motherhood is so “weird”. When I have the gift of my husband taking all of my children away for a couple hours so that I can have a moment to myself; or I have a friend who offers to watch the two big kiddos for a while to give me a break…

…I miss them like hell.

Two hours is too long. I feel guilty. I crave for them to come home.

Motherhood is weird as hell. Am I right?

I don’t know who needs to hear this today…maybe it’s just me, but we’re going to get through this. This season is hard, and it was made exceptionally hard with the conditions put on us through this crazy co-vid time. But we will get through it, friend. The screaming will ease up, the kids will play together more, you will be able to go pee without someone climbing on our face…

…and when that time comes, we will miss these times painfully…

…because motherhood is weird.

What has been your biggest parenting challenge lately? Share with me in the comments below. Or share this with a friend who you feel needs to hear this today.

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