10 Ways to Combat Loneliness

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Are you feeling all alone? Here are 10 ways to combat loneliness during seasons of isolation.

We are living in weird times. Before the days of COVID, our culture was on a fast track to loneliness anyway with the increasing amount of dependency on technology, and the decreasing ability to hold a face to face conversation. 

But then COVID happened. 

We are now finding ourselves in situations we only would have imagined from a dystopian novel. We are locking ourselves in our home, avoiding physical contact. Our faces need to be covered with masks if we want to walk into a store to purchase food for our family. We are faced with the choice of putting our children in front of computers for hours a day or being forced to homeschool. Friend circles are falling apart from conflict over which “side” you are on.  

And the longer this goes on, the lonelier we are getting. 

On a more personal level, I just had a baby 8 months ago. Having my third child rocked my socks off in a way that I didn’t see coming. It honestly was far harder than I ever would have guessed. 

Just around the time I started falling apart at the seams, the world started shutting their doors. I really needed a community. I did not need to close my door and isolate myself further than I was, in some ways, already forced to by my life situation. 

Luckily, I had a couple families that I stayed connected to; they were my saving grace. But this was and is happening all over, to everyone. 

More than ever we are “connected”, every moment of the day, at the touch of a screen. But yet more and more people are depressed, anxious, and lonely. 

So clearly something isn’t working. 

I will be the first to say I don’t have this all figured out, but when I feel those icky feelings creepy in, the following is what helps me. Here are 10 things you can do to move out of that dark space more quickly and combat loneliness.   

Combat Loneliness with a Workout

Working out isn’t going to change any situations that may be leading to feelings of loneliness. Directly, anyway. But working out will always clear the cobwebs in your mind, and everything looks a little clearer after a good sweat session.

Do a hard workout, break a sweat, and then there is a good chance you won’t feel so lonely anymore.

But if you do…

Reach out to a friend

I recently had a friend reach out and tell me, straight up, that she was feeling lonely. And guess what? I had no clue she was feeling that way! Guess what happened after she told me? I was more intentional about reaching out to her, and almost immediately we set up a time to hang out.

More chances than not, no one knows you’re feeling lonely. I think so often we are waiting for the other person to reach out to us, and when no one does, we feel unwanted and rejected in some way.

But the reality is, everyone else is out, living their lives too, probably hoping that you will reach out to them and ask them to hang out.

If we want to spend time with a friend, and we feel like it has been way too long…

…we need to pick up the phone and call them to make it happen.

Do something

There is a saying from Benjamin Franklin that “idle hands are the devil’s playthings”. For me, the biggest way that I see this to be true in my own life is that idol hands give me way too much time to be in my head. 

How often, when you are stuck in your thoughts, are they uplifting? Do those thoughts empower you?

I’ll tell you that the vast majority of the time that I am stuck in a negative thought cycle, it’s because I don’t have enough to do. Give me a purpose and a focus, and I don’t have time to think about feeling sad or worrying about something. 

Do something, anything. The dishes. Rake the yard. Balance your budget. Whatever! Just pick something that is meaningful work and gets you out of your head.

Count your gratitudes

Gratitude is one of the most powerful tools you can have to combat loneliness. Why is gratitude so important? It helps you to train your heart and mind to look for the gift in any and all situations. 

Any and all. I’ll tell you a personal story of mine.

A few years ago I remember laying on my bed the week after having our third miscarriage. It was twins. And while I had been emotionally stronger than I would have expected after the first two losses, “the twins” shook me. 

On the drive home following the doctor’s appointment that had confirmed we had for sure lost the babies. I had Nick pull the car over in front of Trader Joe’s. I got out of the car and yelled at him on the side of the road saying how mad I was that he didn’t’ seem as sad as I did. I’m talking ugly cry, I don’t care who sees me… I was broken.  

So I remember that week, laying on the bed, staring into nothing, feeling so lost and alone. I could hear my husband and my son downstairs giggling, and I felt absolutely numb. 

And then I remember turning over, and literally, I felt God right there in front of me on the bed. And I realized that even though I felt like no one else knew what I was going through, or knew what to say to me, God was there. Right there in the mess with me. 

So now, when I think back to my miscarriages, in some strange way I feel gratitude. I feel like the experience of feeling so broken after the twin’s loss stripped away every single person from my life, even my husband, and gave me no other choice but to turn to God. 

And while that specific situation of finding God in the hard may not resonate with you…there is more than likely something there, if you dig real deep, that you could find to be grateful for in this moment.

The more you practice looking for the gifts in the mundane, the beautiful, or even the heartbreaks… the quicker you get to a place of gratitude which gives you a different, more love centered, perspective. 

Combat Loneliness with Prayer

Ask for some help, friend. I can’t even count how many times a day my children literally hear me say, “please God, help me!” as I am on the verge of losing my shit for the 100th time that day. 

Whether praying for you looks like pulling out your bible, hitting your knees, meditating, or like I like to do, listening to worship music… just do that. Whatever “that” is. 

Get out of the house

Be out in the world, around the people, friend! Stop hiding in your house, sifting through the bottomless pit that is Facebook, and wondering why you can’t seem to shake all the yucky feelings. 

When I used to live on the east coast, after I broke up with my long term boyfriend, moved to a new state and didn’t hardly know a soul in my new town…

…I would sometimes drive 45 minutes to my favorite coffee shop in my old town, just to sit among strangers. The energy in the room felt alive… and in return, that recharged me and filled my social needs. 

Maybe we can’t go sit inside a coffee shop at this juncture in time, but you can take a walk through town, go for a hike, or even run an errand to the post office. A change of environment helps shift your energy, too!

Do something for someone else

We feel lonely or sad because we are thinking about ourselves. That may sound harsh, but you know that it’s objectively true. 

Go out and volunteer. Get a little perspective. Buy a coffee for a random stranger in line behind you at the coffee shop. Write a note to a friend and deliver it to their doorstep. 

Doing something for someone else increases life satisfaction and self-esteem. It strengthens your personal relationships with those who benefit from your acts of kindness. 

Not to mention, kindness is contagious! Naturally, when someone gives us a gift of any kind, we want to return the favor or pay it forward. 

Let’s get this domino effect of love rolling.

Delete social media

Social media has many wonderful benefits. However, the downsides to social media can crush a person, especially when they are in an emotionally dark place. 

Social media isn’t real. It’s a compilation of everyone’s highlight reel. So if you’re feeling lonely, and you get on social media and see a good friend of yours posting about how much she adores this other friend of hers, you could feel nothing but happiness, but if you’re in a vulnerable mental space, it could send you into a downward spiral. 

Just delete it. Even for just a little while. Go out and be around the real people for a while to get your head straight. 

Read also: Episode 2 | Antisocial…Media: Is Social Media the Newest Addiction?

Get intentional about meeting new people

I’m an introvert, even though most people don’t see me that way. But going out into uncomfortable situations with new people is a personal kind of hell for me. 

But so is feeling lonely. And here is the thing, I think it’s safe to say that most people feel similar. So go ahead and ask a new acquaintance to go for a walk with coffee. Join a gym and introduce yourself to someone. Start a book club. Join a hiking club. Join a church. 

There are good people everywhere, and everyone wants to belong. Make it easy on them and introduce yourself first. 

Recognize that it is a sign something needs to change

This is the most important of all. If you are feeling lonely, you are out of harmony. You are off track somewhere. Either you haven’t seen your close friends in way too long. Your marriage is feeling distant. Or oh, I don’t know, you’ve been forced to stay in your house for months, wear a face mask and avoid hugging anyone in avoidance of getting a novel virus. 

That’ll do it. 

But the point is, loneliness is the symptom. It is a symptom that something needs to change. And recognizing that is power. Because as soon you are aware of that fact, you can start moving toward action. And any, even seemingly small amount of action toward change makes your entire perspective change. 

“The shortest, most reliable way to change how you’re feeling is to change what you’re doing. When you feel bad, don’t wait to feel good to do what you love. Start doing what you love. Good feelings will likely follow.” Psychology Today

Create your own “Joy Equation” – or a list of things that genuinely bring you joy when you do them- and pick one to take action on the next time you are feeling lonely. Or even better, do one thing on your Joy Equation each day to combat loneliness, and keep those icky feelings at bay (or at least stretch out the time between episodes of these feelings). 

What do you do to combat loneliness? 

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